I used to have an innocent mind. Well, I still do for that matter. My values are rather conservative and am a traditionalist, which rather contradicts my filthy sense of humour (I am an avid reader of Viz magazine and loved Eurotrash.) You could say I talk the talk, but do not walk the walk. I didn't believe people actually did the things I read about in Viz, like Felching, Dogging, Seagulling, Chimping etc- until I joined the Airline. There were no gays where I was from, no single mums, no poppers and rush. Joining the airline was a big learning curve and here are a few dastardly deeds I witnessed/heard/was told from the horse's mouth about....
- One gentleman had acquired a new dildo which was incorporated into one of those 70s space hoppers! I didn't know men used them! Anyway, he was bouncing round the hotel room on his space hopper butt plug, going for the money shot....THEN THE MAID WALKED IN!
-I met my first Bi guy on training. Not only did he get a hand job from an old cougar in the rubbish bins behind the hotel, on his days off, he jetted off to Paris for some anal action. With a PILF.
-One very refined lady who even went to finishing school was having it off with a 60 something PILF who quite frankly, had a face like David Dickinson but the bulging wad of Branson. I wonder what attracted her to him then besides his false teeth and leathery mug. If you're reading this luv, they may have taught you how to hold your cutlery correctly at your posh school, but they obviously didn't teach you about the oldest profession in the world, which is what you're currently working in.
-One of the gays used to like layovers (literally) in Germany due to the sordid practices the local men. His favourite bar was a dungeon and involved leather clad men inserting chains into each other's arses- straight out of pulp fiction!
-One of the girls, now a 'VIP cabin crew' according to her Fakebook, was filthy. She joined the Mile High Club with a passenger, had several pilots and cabin crew and one night in Gatwick, she was feeling horny so even propositioned a female crew member! She declined and then went up to her room with a BANANA for company!!
-One 'lady' had a drunken fling with one of the ground staff at an airport and earned her 'brown wings' with him. She proceeded to soil the bed after and even took a dump in his wardrobe, thinking it was the toilet!
The moral of this story? Cabin crew are filthy and you're best taking a Boots Meal Deal on the plane and not touching anything they offer you.
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