Big Bags of Sweets

Greetings passengers! You're probably wondering why I'm going to blog about sweets. Have you ever wondered why all the airlines sell massive bags of sweets and huge Toblerones? Sure, they're brilliant to flog to the Foxtrot Bravos there, they're just a snack for them and on the Amsterdam flight, the main audience is beaked-up students with the munchies. Big bags of sweets have another use as well though. They act as an icebreaker and also a pulling tool.

The new captain will always try to give the impression he's a caring kind of chap by bringing a big bag of sweeties to his crew on his first day after promotion. BEWARE. This act of kindness has ulterior motives, a bit like when a nonce asks his prey if he/she wants to see some puppies he's just rescued from the canal. Dopey young cabin crew munch happily away at Captain Bullshit's sweets as if they're at a teddy bears picnic, lulling them into a false sense of security. Before they know it, they'll be back at his nouveau riche-ly decorated flat, knickers off and not even breakfast in the morning. For the more mature crew member, it's a way of them playing good cop bad cop- they will offer you some sweets then on your next flight with them, they will be a complete cunt with you and not let you go to the duty free on turnaround.

Big bags of sweets are a great way for single passengers to pull as well. I was travelling on my own once and these two fit businessmen sat next to me, obviously thinking I was ignorant of the whole big bag of sweets trick and offered me a suck on their chocolate salty balls. It's more sophisticated and more social than the usual trick of pretending to spill something on someone or picking an imaginary piece of dust off that bit of skirt you fancy. Plus everyone loves sweets! Try it if you don't believe me!