British Airways- what a DUMP your planes are

Long time no see passengers! Just when you thought it was safe to fly again without fear of being judged for your Primark hand luggage or the correct etiquette for sick at usage, I appear again like an ill timed turtle's head! I've lost interest in blogging so frequently lately but a shocking news item has made me pick up my iPad again and air my views.

This month has witnessed one of the biggest mysteries in the history of aviation and it happened in European airspace on a British registered aircraft. 2014's Malaysia incident has paled into insignificance and passengers are now on red alert, worried the same fate will befall them. It's rather unnerving when the flight deck inform you there's a suspect package on board, toxic fumes filling the cabin. It's also a right pain in the arse when your holiday gets delayed due to it, could this airline be any shittier or are they just spouting the usual crap as an excuse, you wonder. God knows what it says in the captain's log about this event.

However, you can't help but empathise with the poor bloke (or woman) who has made headline news because of this event and has decided to remain anonymous. This passenger has been both vilified and labelled a top lad by social media and international press but cannot bask in his or her fame due to an angry lynch mob of Dubai bound passengers turning up on his doorstep, not to mention the fact he could become a social outcast, tainted for life due to the fact that his shite wouldn't flush away properly. Some internet trolls are blaming a Tory MP for dropping his smelly kids off at the pool as he was the first to tweet about it, it could be true as the saying goes 'whoever smelt it dealt it'. Never has the world been kept in suspense this much since Stig blew his cover in Top Gear.

A big round of applause for the man whose bowels turned round an entire plane, the man who unwittingly gave the world of aviation a bit of light relief from terrorist threats, crashes and bomb scares. It's not often that a cancelled flight can make the world smile and become a trending topic on Twitter. Let's just hope BA compensate their pax and don't dismiss it as an Act of God.