Thick cunts and practical jokes

Practical jokes are one thing that can make a working day go so much quicker, especially if the joke is on a thick new colleague! Flying is no different to any other job, we LOVE practical jokes here, unless you work for Lufthansa or Flybe that is, where the joke is looking back in the mirror at you. Here are some of our faves:

The Long Stand- an oldie but a goodie. I can't believe people still fall for it, so it's best playing it on some wet behind the ears 20 year old or someone who speaks English as a second language. Rumour has it that a planeload of passengers missed their flight because the pilot never came back after his long stand. I'm not going to describe what happens in a long stand, because if you need that explaining to you, then you are a fucking hopeless bastard.

Petrol Points- The pilot will give the new cabin crew his BP points card and tell her to tell the refueller to add some points to it. Yes, the thick twats fall for it every time.

Safety Demo- the perfect opportunity to make a show of someone in front of a planeload of people. Fill their lifejacket with sugar or drink stirrers. Stick a page 3 girl inside the safety card for the plane to ogle/laugh at. Put something foul smelling in the oxygen mask. Put glue in the seatbelt so the poor twat cannot open it, looking like a right awkward numpty.

Locking someone in the bog- When your new recruit is doing the toilet check or on the toilet, lock them in by lifting up the flap that says 'lavatory' on the door and putting a 1 euro coin in the lock. They can't get out, no matter how hard they try!!! It's funny!!

Posh wank- fill a condom with liquid soap, leave it in the toilet and send them in to do a toilet check

Napkin Service- give a dopey looking new recruit a load of napkins and a pair of tongs and tell her to give each passenger a napkin before landing. She'll love this if it's a budget airline, she'll think she's been promoted to Emirates!